On December 7, 1995, I took my first breath. I
arrived in this world from the womb of my mother. I cried my first cry and that
marked the start of my existence. I grew up to be an adorable, smart, cute
little girl with curly hair and pouty lips. I was loved especially by my
father. He was my king and I was her princess. Through his love and guidance along
with my other family members and the people around me, I graduated elementary
with flying colors. I took the next step towards my “still uncertain” career in
life. I went to a not-so-regular high school, it was a Science high school.
Competition was stiff, survival of the fittest. There I have spent four years
of full-time focus in my education. I was always an honor student, one of the
top students in my class (although there were 2 gradings that I was not able to
make it due to personal reasons). I thought that life was waking up everyday,
going to school, sleeping and reading during weekends, making projects and
assignments, talking with my classmates and having crushes. I never knew that
life will give me an unfathomable, painful loss -- that was when father went
home to be with the lord just a few weeks before my graduation day. It was
really painful, I knew my life would never be the same and I will never be
whole again. Nevertheless, the world did not stop turning because of my agony
so I took the next step of my life in the light of my father.
College -- full of beautiful and painful
memories. I had experienced a lot of things, gained a great of deal of wisdom
and knew what life and love really were.
I fell in love a couple of times. But only one man got the best of me.
He was both an inspiration and a downfall. We started as bestfriends. Got fond
of each other’s companies and shared most of our time together. Things got
complicated and I was always doubtful about what he really felt for me. He owned
my heart for a long time and was able to tear it into pieces a couple of times.
And then someone came along and gave me the care and attention I was looking
for, so I decided to forget my feelings for him and choose the other one. It
was then he realized he loved me, but it was too late because I did not want to
break the heart of the other guy. We separated. It was another heart-shattering
agony I have ever felt. I cried. And cried. Months passed, we graduated college
at the same time because we were batchmates but of different specializations.
I did my best to pass the Licensure examination
for teachers. And I made it. However, I did not proceed for a teaching career.
At the mid of my senior year, I realized I wanted to travel the world and visit
a lot of places. So, I worked in a call center while having some
“modifications” in my physical appearance for I wanted to be a Flight
Attendant. I had braces to align my teeth, had a dermatologist to “clear” my
face of blemishes, pimples, acnes and the like. I really prepared myself and
worked hard to pass the qualifications and submit the requirements. Luckily, I
was accepted. I was a flight attendant to an international airplane company. I
was very happy for I knew back then that it was really all I wanted to do. I arrived
to a lot of places, was paid a big amount and earned a lot from it. I provided
for my family. At the age of 25, my life was focused on work and family. I gave
sufficient amount to my mom for her medicines. I had even brought my mother, sister
and brothers to a free trip to Disneyland. The happiness we all felt was
priceless. I wished dad was there. He could have seen all the beautiful
landmarks in Hongkong.
Moving
forward, I, together with my brother who was a nurse in London, decided to
migrate there with my mom, our older brother and my younger sister. It was
always our mother’s dream to go to London, and we made it happen. Not just to
go there but live there. She was very happy and thankful. And I was even
happier. I had always wanted my mother to have everything she ever wanted in
her life, and she deserves it. At the age of 28, I had accomplished a whole lot
of my aspirations in life, been to a lot of beautiful places and bought the
things I wanted to buy. Yet there was something lacking, I was still not able
to find someone who could be my other half. There were a couple of suitors,
yes. I entered into relationships but none of them lasted. The last serious one
was way back when I was still in the Philippines. We lasted 5 years until we
decided to break up because we’re about to be separated and he’s also going to the
Middle East to be with his father and work there. We went to our separate ways
and told each other that if we are really meant to be, we’ll find each other
again. Four years later, I saw on his timeline that he was getting married and
about to be a father. I was happy for him. At the same time disappointed but I
felt fine. I figured out I would just have to spend the rest of my life with my
family, take care of my mom and treat the children of my siblings as my own.
At an instance when we went back to the
Philippines and visit our relatives to celebrate Christmas with them, I was
invited by my college batchmates to a reunion. Of course, I agreed. I have missed
them and have not seen them for ages. I was glad to know we were all successful
in life. Most of them were already married with babies and houses and all that.
I felt a tinge of envy. And then one of my close friends in college, who was
with me and witnessed all I was back then, introduced me to my “ex-bestfriend”.
Well, guess who? I was surprised to know he was still single. My fellow English
majors told me he did not go into any serious relationships after we went our
own ways. We met. Again. And then, well, it is a bit of “corny”, but sparks
flew. Familiar of the song “Maybe this time”? I bet you would already guess
what happened next. We figured out it was really “us”.
He then migrated to London with his mother and
we got married. We built our own family and realized the dreams we shared way
back our college days. I turned 40 with him by my side and was blessed with 2
kids. I resigned from being an FA a couple of years back because I wanted to
give my full attention to my kids and well, my husband. I worked as a teller in
a bank and my husband as a volleyball coach and trainer in a nearby
school. We lived happy and content with
the things we have. Struggles, conflicts and challenges really come along the
way, but our love is strong and God’s love is strongest.
There are still a lot of significant events in
my life, those are just the bigger puzzle pieces. This would sure be lengthy if
I give them all to you. I just want to leave a message that maybe you could
ponder on (take from a good, old woman), I say no matter what your struggles
are, follow your heart. But if your heart is hurting more that it should, do
what your mind says. Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. Learn to
know them both – your heart and mind and don’t forget to ask for God’s guidance
because he always knows the best for you. Just be happy. And make sure you make
others happy, too.
Now, as I am presenting all these to you, I am
in my death bed. I have been suffering from breast cancer and was diagnosed
stage 4. I had long felt the lump in my left breast but I had not paid
attention to it. I did not want to worry my kids especially the younger one who
is about to get married. My husband died of high blood attack a year ago. And
that was when I grew weaker and weaker. I want to be with him again. I want to
join him.
My grand daughter who grew up to be more like
me, is writing all these down. All our family members are here. I wanted to see
them all as I am about to close my eyes permanently. It gives me satisfaction
that they are all on the right track right now and that is partly due to my
guidance. I have not failed to show them I care for them and love them, and
their tears at this moment justify that. I am proud to say that I have reached
ultimate contentment in my life. I may not have been famous to everyone, but I
have been known by the hearts of the people I love. I was able to share every
part of me. I know I will always be remembered, loved and commemorated.
In the 7th hour of the 7th
month of my 77th year in this temporary world, I leave this
generation and start my “real forever” with a smile on my face.
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